You can’t make this stuff up

A second post from Boston and as Paul Harvey used to say, “now for the rest of the story”.

Boston is the first US port on this itinerary thus the US CBP (Customs and Border Protection) has to make sure all is in good order and we are all good folk. Debarkation was carefully planned. All passengers leaving the ship were assigned colour coded times to visit CBP and then to disembark the ship for their onward travels. The proceedings were to begin around 9:00 AM and culminate around 11:45 when the few of us remaining with the ship would go through what is referred to as an “InTransit” process.

Now there is a person on the ship who is responsible for assuring that there is no-one but crew members left on board. Until that moment no passengers may begin the boarding process. As each person is processed off the ship they are tagged electronically until the count reaches the magic ZERO, when finally, boarding may begin, starting with the “InTransit” passengers, Us.

Remember all the clever organization by time and colour code? Perfect, until CBP doesn’t start processing until two hours later than scheduled. That’s when panic mode hits. Panic among passengers who are now not going to get to their flights on time. panic among crew trying to make new order out of a broken schedule and, I’m sure, confusion among future passengers arriving at the cruise terminal which undoubtedly is filling to overflowing with folk who cannot yet board the ship.

For us, knowing that our 11:45 schedule was impossible, decided to go to the buffet to grab a bite to eat before our time in line for CBP processing. Ahh, but it was not to be. We had just filled our plates and were about to be seated to eat when we were arrested (sort of) by a crew member sent to locate us and escort us to our CBP screening. From his demeanour it seemed that the future of the Emerald Princess was to be determined by how quickly we got to our CBP screening. When we arrived on the deck where CBP was working there was clearly a long line of passengers exiting with luggage. Not “InTransit” passengers. What a relief. We were not the sole determinant of the disembarkation.

Gail played her “I’m diabetic, I have to eat or I’ll fall down and it will be your fault” card. It always works. we were allowed to grab a sandwich. When we returned to get in line we discovered there was no urgency as there were a dozen more “InTransit” passengers sitting calmly with a Princess crew member monitoring the situation. Finally, an hour after we were escorted from what would have been lunch, we were taken as a group to our CBP interview. A very pleasant chap asked his questions, took your photo and checked our passports.

Next, the lot of us checked out of the CBP area, then checked out of the ship (although we never really left the deck), waited until some chap saw the magic ZERO then we checked back on board. We did return to the buffet where we had left our plates during our abduction. They remained where we had placed them. The staff would not, however, let us reuse them. Rather we were to take new plates.

Now there ought to be some sort of prize for any reader who actually followed what they just read. There isn’t. Just marvel that this isn’t the first time we have had such an experience.


Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport.